Joe ~ May 19

 

Clean Up Time

 

As I continue my journey to living the best life that I will live, this new clear headedness has allowed me to consider that there has been much mess and detritus to be dredged up from the places that I shoved it to avoid the anguish of dealing with it up front. This is a task that I have ran from for so long, whether the reason being bad health or pure rationalization. Much like sifting through the clothes, books and other artifacts that have been hoarded and left to create chaos and barriers which obscured my outlook on my surroundings. I will have to take it slowly. It surely can be overwhelming to consider this mountain of ignorance and procrastination that can only be excavated one little iota at a time. This is surely a welcome state of mind. Often feeling beaten down by the good fight of making due, only to sometimes roll over and submit to the will of the dark side, hope has began to sprout and I going to be patient and have faith that this path will take me out of the doldrums which I’ve lived in, unknowingly there was light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. My Grandmother used to recite a little ditty when I was a child about patience being a virtue. I most likely was in some sort of tizzy when she would recite these words in a soft, sing-song voice and it magically took effect. I wish I could remember the full poem she used…but, it always ended in …”Patience is a virtue. Did You ever try it?

And now I find myself subscribing to the wise teachings of my Grandmother decades after the seed was planted in my brain. It is indeed difficult to soften the knowledge accumulated that has petrified to absolute stone in my psyche. My mortality has come front and center to to help me face the fallacies of what has become gospel in my life. So, is it fear of death? Fear of life? Or just fear of not living a life fulfilled with an understanding of peace and gratitude. This is where courage must be put into effect. To tear it all down not knowing what’s truly is on the other side is absolutely immobilizing. That old cliche …. Most people prefer a familiar problem than to choose an unfamiliar solution. That’s so easy….I know, I’ve been practicing it for too long. So, the painting is done. The brushes and containers need to be cleaned and prepared for the next composition of images. The phone calls and emails that have gone unanswered for ages will be assigned priority and dealt with. My heart will direct my mind to act appropriately, not to be questioned by the “should I’s” or “could I’s”. Yep, time to clean up so I can jump into the  pool and face the shock of the cold water awakening every nerve ending, then push off the wall and start to act… To act…To act.  Just floating at first but the buoyancy is invigorating.