Joe ~ May 18

 

Changes

 

To quote a rock and roller who is no longer with us….”Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes…turn and face the strange. Yes, it’s time. I have weathered Long Covid for the past two and a half years. When the hairs are getting more silver among the grey having Long Covid can easily be written off as getting old. Since it has been a first time for both a disease that’s still not been totally explored or explained, and just accumulating more years than I ever thought possible. So I bided my time and just let it flow to see what the outcome would be. I have not solved the aging dilemma. It too will present itself in its own good time. Long Covid, however has been a constant drain on my batteries and has caused a virtual slowdown of my ability to deal with the everydayness of life. The only way to determine how Long Covid has effected me is to realize how much better I feel now that it’s symptoms are on the wane. Life has it’s peaks and valleys, and sometimes I can say I did by best to negotiate the obstacles as they presented themselves. So, I wake up one morning and feel I can look forward to the tasks that await me. The lackadaisical brain fog and constant fatigue had me putting off life for the undetermined future. So, I’m going to add some structure to my existence that I thought had been possible to comprehend. The writing has certainly kept me grounded and allowed me to just be honest with myself by expressing what’s going on in the day-to-day stuff. Beyond that, I am ready to write down what I eat and how much…food for me has to become the highest priority. A close second is movement. Exercise is an absolute, my compromised heart needs to be primed daily and my stamina has withered with my complacency. My disregard for keeping up and communicating with people in my life has been abysmal and I have rationalized it away by self deprecation and ignorance. I am free. I can do this. I don’t have the career and financial pressures of the past while raising a family. The time for structuring my daily gifts into assigned blocks of time is a sane way to figure out what will hopefully become the actions and events that are tantamount to fulfilling my reason to be. This may sound harsh, but I think not. I can finally be healthy and try to maximize what time I have left on this earth. Already, my attitude toward what people think are becoming more dismissive. I can stop that need for constant reinforcement from the outside world and let myself be the sole navigator of this magical mystery tour. In the past this type of rumination would be pretty much pie in the sky. Diet, exercise, and simple things like hydration, brushing my teeth and doing acts of kindness that only I know about. My right hand should not know what my left hand is doing. If there is that energy they call Karma, then I am totally content to reap all I can accumulate. And last, but not least, to create. Create the work that can move me and thus move others. Changes are in store. I am fortunate to finally have my eyes opened to new horizons. I am just going to hang it out there, not expecting these changes to be monumental….just to be changes to nourish my soul and be relatively happy with my life stripped of the weight of sickness, anxiety and fear.