Monday, May 6, 2024

Heidi ~ May 6

 

I hate being mad at, hurt by a close friend

I hate having upset a close friend

I hate having to bring it up

 

If I stop breathing

If I push away – everything

 

If I push away annoying feelings

Tuck them away in some undisclosed portion of my gut

Shut the door, the lock’s clunk echoing into nothingness

 

If I pretend

Smile

Carry on 

 

All the while seething in a walled off place in the basement of my soul

All the engine’s energy, all the engineers and workers holding back the flood

 

With all their might

Alarms blaring to bring in reinforcements

 

If I do all this…

 

Then what?

 

Then I am safe from 

Love

Safe from 

Growing

 

Sick and Tired and forgot why

 

NO, NO, NO

 

We are stronger than that

 

I will travel to Woodstock

With a hurt and loving heart

 

I will listen

I will nurture truth, the antidote to atrophy

 

I will imagine a cherubic beaming face emerging from within a blooming daffodil

Sharing its beauty and absorbing the cleansing rays of sun

 

I will imagine the possibilities of friendship and authenticity

 

But it is scary.

 

 

4 comments:

  1. I love holding back the flood, the effort it takes to shutoff, not feel… and then turning to the daffodil

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  2. I loved the form -- the short lines to get at this very difficult material. "The basement of my soul." I've thought of that phrase all day.

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  3. Great description of a tense inner struggle that is resolved somewhat when the narrator chooses to nurture truth instead of giving in to atrophy. The trip to Woodstock is daunting. Scary indeed!

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  4. beautiful poem, about an unresolved friendship.

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Lila ~ May 31

  I have another friend of mine who is involved with the deaf world.  My friend T.   I first met T when I started nursing school at DCC.  I ...