Gary ~ May 5

 

t's Has To Be Saran Wrap! Chapter the Last

 

 

Well, if you're getting sick of all this Saran Wrap talk, how do you think I feel?

 

So far,  my entire May Mauka has been taken up with trying to present one simple Saran Wrap story and I  just can't, for one reason or another, seem to bring it to a head. Or bring it to a belly, which is no mere metaphor, as you will clearly be able to see, if only I can manage to wrap this thing up.

 

Here goes:

 

When last we encountered Jeffery, he was intoducing us to a brand new program which he devised I am sure, with the help of Annemiek, his latest partner-in-crime, though Jeffery, since he is loath to give credit to anyone but himself. no doubt instructed her to remain silent during his presentation and not say anything, unless it was to praise Jeffery for his latest "manifestation" a term used to describe Jeffery's various money-making spiritual programs.

 

Some of Jeffery's previous manifestations include Finding Yourself, Advanced Finding Yourself,  Exploring Finding Yourself, and Finding Yourself: The Next Plateau.  Not only were these courses really transformational, but apparently they were really good money-makers, because Jeffery recently announced that he and Annemiek would be heading off on a 6 week surfing safari to Jeffreys Bay South Africa, which Jeffery said was the #2 surfing destination in the world.

Jeffery never does anything second-class. Apparently Annemiek doesn't either, from what we have heard.

 

When Jeffery introduced the select group of Finders, which I find to be a more soothing term than the "esthole" designation we were slapped with as devotees of Werner Erhard's est Training in the early 1980s, to the All-New, All-Powerful Divine Feminine Energy Special Transmission, also known as the Mother Force,  he offered us,  free of charge, a valuable, and perhaps even crucial suggestion:

 

He told us, with  straight face and  squinted eyes, that the ONLY way we could ensure our complete safety and protection from the Hostile Forces that are prone to attack really advanced spiritual seekers, or rather, Finders, like ourselves when receiving totally powerful spiritual transmissions like the Mother Force, was to wrap Saran Wrap around our stomachs and genital areas.

 

With tighty wound  Saran Wrap to protect us, the Hostile Forces would not be able to enter us through either the navel or the sex chakra, as they seem to like doing, in order to destroy all the  divine joy, peace and love that we receive via Jeffery's Mother Force transmissions.

 

But is has to be Saran Wrap!  No other brand will do. For whatever reason, those other inferior brands, like Reynolds, Glad, and Stretch-tite are just not up to speed when it comes to blocking the Hostile Forces from penetrating our bodies and having their way with us.

 

It has crosssed my mind at least 10 times since Jeffery started doing these Special Transmissons that perhaps Jeffery is getting a commission from the Saran Wrap people to promote their brand. And since one of Jeffery's favorite words is monetization, I frankly wouldn't be surprised.