Tirza ~ May 23

 

I sat down with my higher self this morning and my guides came to sit around me.

What’s up, I asked them, what do I need to know?

Hmm they said. I can tell they were about to surprise me when there’s a pause like that.  Are you sure you are big enough to contain all your gifts that are being offered, they asked me gently.

Hmm I said. 

They let me sit with that. 

Do I need to widen and stretch my container, is that why I feel this way, tight, unsettled this morning, in need of lists and calendar?

Yes, I agreed.  Maybe.

And I thought about what that meant, to have enough space to hold and to keep receiving the offerings of my life.  What needs to grow?

You’re good at giving, not so much receiving.  

For offenses and abuses, you learned to create levels of protection, defenses.  

You did even better as you learned to be porous and let light and air still enter.  

But like a filter, you were cautious to only let in certain things.  Safe things. Counterfeit glittery objects. The bleh of life.  And filters get clogged.  

Prizewinner for warding off the evil spirits, you warded off a lot more than the evil.  The wall is a wall, as much as you mask it with lilac bushes or other flowering bushes.

Now we’re sitting in my heart. What I like to call the cave of my heart.  A cave sometimes the size of a cathedral, with light streaming in from highly angled openings…shafts of light I think of as God talking. My heart is blowing up, expanding hugely, taking up the entire cathedral.

What do I need to do, I ask, filled to the gills.

Less hamster wheel riding. 

Less listening to the inner judges and crossing guards.  

More coasting, more dancing. 

More weaving the dark with the light without having to make up stories of why.  

Rigid and rigor when it comes to the habit and routine to exercise body mind and spirit. Breathing, yoga, sit with us, write, create.  After that, your day is yours. 

Here's the list I was looking for.