Lila ~ May 29

 

In my 20’s, I was constantly numbed out.  SSRI’s, SNRI’s, SGA’s.  I couldn’t go without 8-10 hours of sleep per night, and I was a deep sleeper.  

I’d drink coffee, laden with cream or artificial sweeteners, or black tea or green tea, anything to try to perk myself up.  

I looked around at other of my peers, unfettered with grief and anxiety and mental illness.  They move through life much more smoothly and have a clear path and sense of direction.  

In church, I saw moms who were having babies, up all night with kids.  Their lives are governed by the endless cycles of weight loss and weight gain that accompany pregnancy, and their sleep cycles are governed by these hormones, too.  These are the women to whom the church primarily ministers to.  

My boyfriend’s mom had 4 grown children, and smiles with joy as she looks back on that season of life, being up all night with children, catching little winks in the middle of the day while nursing a baby.  

One day, my mom and I were in the health food store looking at alternatives to coffee and tea. A kind young man, a store clerk, with long curly hair and hemp clothing recommended Yerba Mate.  “It’s from South America!  It really give me the jolt that I need!  Moreso than coffee or tea. “  

I bought some and tried it.  It did nothing more for me than coffee or tea.