Reach Out
On this particular writing journey I have had a variety of everyday occurrences that has me isolating and and feeling on the verge of being an anti-socialite. I have been giving myself the opportunity to heal and change to make me a better and more responsible and responsive person. Still, I find reverie in my quietude. After willingly acquiescing to conform to societies expected norms I am now sitting alone, praying, meditating and trying to embrace the change that is at hand in order to move beyond this state of empty contemplation. I must accept the fact that I must accept myself. Casting off the costumes of past pretenses puts all that I’ve encountered along the way in question. Why? Did I have to? What good did it do?…..These emotional quagmires are to be expected and never minimized. Somewhere in the Bible it infers that we must be born again every day. Fresh eyes are needed to rally and transit to the next present moment. The old me is fighting and screaming and putting up a fight. How dare I threaten the battle scars and wounds that have provided the curtain of false security which surely allowed me to survive the world around me. To pursue the person that I may have become if nurtured and treated with acceptance is tantamount to changing my name, address and hair color….It’s like driving down a one way street into oncoming traffic. The other drivers have already made up their minds that I’m the idiot who is going against the grain. Yet, I must drive on….carefully, avoiding collisions with folks who know for sure that they are victims of your disregarding behavior. I know it’s a pretty far fetched example of trying to change who you are by becoming who you think you were meant to be….There should be a mountain retreat in some far away exotic place for people like myself to go and be allowed to wallow, scream, smile, laugh and sing and dance…the way a child would in a world of unconditional love and acceptance. I had a friend in college who had a wonderful therapeutic response to the little bumps in the road that one encounters in our day-to-day existence…..
He would emphatically recite with a smile on his face….
“Fuck’em If They Can’t Take A Joke”.
Sure enough, keeps me in the ballgame!!!!
Love the image of driving the wrong way if we were to change into who we might have been or meant to be
ReplyDeleteAhhh, quietude, contemplation, a place to scream, wallow and smile. Most of all...acceptance. This is so raw and true and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteFor sure...a place to just be...in whatever mode is there at the moment. Had a director once for my show who liked to go out on stage with me before the audience came in and screamed exactly that - FUCK EM ALL IF THEY DON"T LIKE IT!!! Still makes me laugh.
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