Joe ~ May 21

 

Cardio Reality

 

What’s on my mind? Well, I had a visit with my cardiologist today. All-in-All, My heart is maintaining it’s relative state of healthiness. Over recent months I have put good healthy eating habits on the back shelf while dealing with deaths of loved ones and the calamities that ensue. Surely it is not an excuse to let myself go when faced with what seems like extreme circumstances. I am working on it and realize time is of the essence. It’s always a harsh surrealism when the Doctor, who is a lovely man, gives me a blow-by-blow of the state of my heart. There’s something very sad about the ongoing commentary when he applies the ultrasound to the various quadrants of my chest to have my beating ticker appear as a series of black and white images on a computer screen…THIS IS YOUR HEART ATTACK…still there….maybe some wishful thinking that my heart would magically heal itself and he would happily proclaim that he has never seen this happen in all his years of running his cardio repair shop. But, no, it’s still there…right where it’s been…just a chunk of dead muscle that decided it couldn’t handle the abuse that it was being subject to. Next…the murmur….extra heartbeat…”Can you feel it?”…Yes, I can….like a drummer who can’t keep the proper beat….Swish…swish…swish….beat…swish…short swish….and variations there of. Yeah, I’m aware….fat is coming back….that’s bad….ozempic….maybe….Try it!!! You’ve got nothing to lose except the quickly expanding capillaries that are monopolizing your blood flow….Yes, I get it….YOU KNOW, YOU’RE DOING FINE….YOU’RE AN EIGHT CYLINDER ENGINE RUNNING ON SEVEN CYLINDERS….every time he says this it’s a little less reassuring. Let’s check the carotid arteries….oh yes, 30% blocked…same as last time. Call your primary doc and get that prescription and lose that weight and there’s a good chance your stomach might have reexpanded and is taking in more food than it should. I don’t know how that can be true since I’m full after 3 bites. The proof is in the pudding, so they say. Maybe that’s it. I’m eating too much pudding. But I like pudding. Well, schedule another visit for nine months out….unless….than I’ll squeeze you in….that’s not encouraging…I know, he has to say stuff like that….

Lucky for me, this Doctor of Cardiology, has been over weight and has had a Gastrectomy and has dealt with cancer and chemotherapy and is truly in touch with me, the patient. No bullshit going on here….my work is cut out for me….I’ve been treading water for too long and if I don’t rally, like I hope too, my next visit might be in an emergency room or worse. I can clearly remember waking up in post-op after having my chest cleaved open and my heart exposed for the mechanics to replace the broken pipes with spare parts from other parts of my vascular network…Don’t want to go through that again….but, then again, I didn’t want to go through it in the first place. My poor little heart. It has to suffer through me being a bad host. This small organ that is about the size of the average fist, electrically igniting those valves and muscles to keep this ship afloat. It deserves better….and I’m going to see to it.