Heidi ~ May 26

 

On a zoom call today my sister-in-law, a therapist, my daughter and I were talking about people who can’t stop talking. It is a mystery to me.  Maureen, the therapist, conjectures “maybe they don’t expect to be listened to so they just keep going.”  That struck me, I hadn’t thought of that.  I don’t expect to be listened to, based on childhood learning, so I keep quiet, unless someone draws me out.  Then I am full of expression, an energy bursts forth, while a watchful eye hovers over me: “am I talking too much?”  That is why I like to write, full expression without worrying about the wandering eyes, or a tense face that says: “I want to talk now, I’m not really listening.”  Kelly, my daughter, likes to talk but also listens.  In a boring college course, she timed herself to not speak for 15 minutes at a time, she had so much to say but didn’t want to overwhelm the instructor.  A relative, Sherry, who knows she can’t stop talking, says “I talk too much, now I want to hear from you.” I open my mouth, say a word or two and she is off again.  I used to be a focus group leader in market research.  There I had control, used hand gestures to draw people in or shut them down.  It was my job. “YOU can talk, YOU let others talk, SAM what do you think?” I held the baton, raised the bassons, lowered the drums with a flick of my hand. It was quite satisfying!  I am great at asking questions, which I sometimes have to control because talkers will, well, talk and talk and talk.  “Oh shit, why did I ask her that, too late now,” goes through my mind.  It’s about giving, receiving, allowing, negotiating, a dance that often falters, but is exquisite when we both blend with the music.  That’s my thought for the day. I’m going to stop talking now.  

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