On Mother’s Day my daughter posted a photo to Facebook. We are in a California restaurant, she about 9-months-old sitting on my lap. I am barely out of childhood myself, looking down on her as she reaches for something on the table. We are an enclosed circle, mother and child. My soon-to-be-deceased husband, outside the circle looks our way.
“You have been a model for growing and learning. The best model for me,” accompanies the post.
“You have made me a better person.” I replied. What would life have been without her??
I got to thinking about how she has made me a better person. There is no skipping steps, no flippant remarks that get past her. Straight shooter Kelly. Oh, there have been times when she has reverted back to teen years and spouted blame for my past transgressions. But even then, kernels of truth sent me into a spin of self-evaluation. Or, pushed me to a boundary.
“That’s enough. I am not taking that on anymore.”
My niece, Marian, tells hysterical stories about her relationship with her mom. How they constantly bicker, complain, push each other, neither one devastated. Kelly and I listen in shock. Agreeing just one iota of that behavior would send either or both of us under a rock, under the covers, anywhere to get away from the terror of abandonment. Just noting that together expands the pathway of honesty.
But then I remember all her complaints. In the early days I got defensive, shut her down. As I grew stronger, I became still, let all my screaming gremlins, my staunch defenses rumble around my body without an outside voice… and LISTENED. Breathing, calming myself, letting the child kick and scream and still be loved. A parent’s job until the end, I think.
Over the years we have learned to accept each other’s differences, quirks and vulnerabilities. How she walks into a room and assumes total acceptance and fascination. I walk into a room looking for a safe place, one interesting person to talk to. We know that about each other and celebrate it.
Celebrating differences...love that mother daughter connection...think perhaps very rare and indeed cause for celebration!
ReplyDelete"letting the child kick and scream and still be loved. A parent’s job until the end, I think" I'm taking notes! So much of this resonates...the passage of time and how we change within that circle between parent and child
ReplyDeleteI pick up on the closeness of these two -- not because they are peas in a pod, but they have been through it together, alot of hard stuff, and it has born great fruit.
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