Gary ~ May 2

 

I'm Sick and Tired of Easy Pull Tabs!

 

Before I get to It Has To Be Saran Wrap! Part II and how Saran Wrap ties into the latest cult I've joined, I want to pause a moment to say just how fucking sick (and tired) I am of Easy Pull Tabs, not only on Saran Wrap boxes, and other things,  but also on these chickens I buy at various food stores around town that come all tightly wrapped in thin plastic covering and that say "Easy Pull Here" and have two tiny slits in the package that you're supposed to pull on to easily split apart the covering and plop the chicken into the pan or onto the counter and it NEVER happens that way.  I pull and pull and tug and tug at the Easy Pull slits and I can't get them to split apart for anything.

 

So then I have to look around to find where my wife has hidden the sissors so I can cut away the plastic wrapping from the chicken and finally get it into the baking pan without splattering too much chicken blood on the floor or the butcher block table.

 

The Easy Pull tab on the Saran Wrap that I encountered the other day was even worse.  First off all, even though it said "Easy Pull right here" there was nothing to pull.  I had to go get my glasses from the upstairs bedroom to make sure I wan't missing something and when I put them on I still didn't see anything to pull. All I saw were these tiny half-perforations going across the side of the box that proved impenetrable so I had to find a big kitchen knife to see if I could pry the perforations open, but this effort also failed to produce any favorable results.

 

I tried seeing if prying open the corner of the box might reveal the Easy Pull tab that had eluded me so far, but this only made matters worse.  Finally, I just ripped open the top of the Saran Wrap box and unfortunately ripped off the jagged metal strip that makes Saran Wrap the precious commodity that it is.  I do not want to go off on these cheap imitation Saran Wrap brands that don't HAVE the all- important metal strip because that would take far too many words and I'm already nearing my Word Count limit for today.

 

Let me just say that I tried taping the jagged metal strip back onto the Saran Wrap box with some Duck Tape that happened to be lying around, but the metal strip kept curling up in a very stubborn manner,  preventing me from taping it down without a struggle.  After about a 10 minute struggle I did manage to tape it back onto the box but in doing so I taped down the entire opening which prevented me from getting the Saran Wrap out of box at all.  

 

Finally, in a burst of complete disgust and total annoyance, I just chucked the jagged metal strip, and the part of the box to which it was attached, into the garbage can and looked around to see where my wife had hidden the scissors this time so I could cut off a piece of Saran Wrap in order to preserve the rest of the tomato for future BLTs. This was, of course, the same tomato that was featured in yesterday's blog post.

 

You might think that after all that I'd opt for another brand of clear plastic wrap for leftover tomatoes, as well as leftover cheddar cheese and just about everything else,  but no, I've tried switching to an inferior brand a few times before and have found that that just doesn't work for me.

 

No, it has to be Saran Wrap.  Especially when taking part in a certain in a certain cult ritual called the Galactic Power Grid Transmission.

 

More on that tomorrow.