Gary ~ May 24

 

At Least I Didn't Bomb!

 

 

 

At the Open Mic event last night at the Phoenicia Playhouse, I came up well short of my goal, which  was, of course, to deliver a really KILLER 5 minute stand- up comedy routine.

 

Alas, it was not meant to be. I would not say my performance was a complete BOMB by any means, yet at the same time, I would say the audience was "tolerant" rather than showing any kind of enthusiasm whatsoever.

 

My jokes tended to fall flat and even when one of my jokes did land, the laughter tended to be somewhat muted and not hearty in the least. If I had to characterize the few laughs, maybe three in total, that I did get, the only word that comes to mind is "polite," as if they wished they could really laugh at my jokes, but all they could manage to do was laugh in a low key manner.  Very low key in fact.

 

When my routine finally ground to an end, I got some tepid applause, again more polite than anything I had hoped for.

 

It was a 99% musical event and I was the only performer who did not sing or play a guitar or do both at the same time. It was primarily a singer/songwriter event with an expanded barbershop quartet type of group that comprised almost the complete program and perhaps I was out of place, I am not sure.

 

The audience came for the music it seemed, and the comedy may not have been up their alley, at least not my brand of comedy anyway.

 

They definitely didn't seem to get my schtick and I was surprised that they didn't seem to get some of my allusions either,, like My Dinner With Andre.  When I started out by saying that I was working on my version of My Dinner With Andre and I was going to call it My Lunch Date With Elizabeth they just stared blankly at me, showing no sign of knowing what I was talking about whatsoever.

 

I thought everybody knew about Wally Shawn's classic film My Dinner With Andre, one of my favorite movies (if that's the right word, it's probably not) of all time.  But the Phoenicia Playhouse crown seemed to draw a blank where My Dinner With Andre was concerned.

 

I knew right then and there that it was going to be an uphill battle b/c unlike the audience that came to the "graduation" event at the Stockade Tavern a few years ago, this crowd came strictly, it seems, for the music, and were not interested in hearing some guy who doesn't sing, or play guitar, or write his own songs go on and on about a blind date he had with some 82 year old chick who wanted to buy a house in Hurley and who seemed to be upset that my Facebook profile had me down as being single, and who didn't like the fact that her Eggs Benedict came with purple onions on the top of them instead of the salmon that she ordered and expected to receive.

 

My airport screening jokes didn't fly very well either and  hardly landed at all. I thought my killer line, "That's Listerine, not kerosene" would get a laugh but all it got was silence.  Dead silence.

 

I cut my 5 minute set a little short b/c I didn't think the audience wanted to hear about how Elizabether thought I might be gay because of the way I "throw myself around."  No, I didn't dare risk it.

 

I had had enough blank stares for one evening thank you very much. 

 

Usually comics end their set by saying, "You've been a great audience."

 

I found myself being totally unable to go that route.  Instead, opted for, "OK, well I think it's time for me to simply get the fuck out of here."

 

They seemed to appreciate that.