When I was in college, I was lost.
If I could turn back time, I would not have gone, or perhaps, chosen a state school, rather than a small liberal arts college, and stuck with my original goal, anthropology. Or maybe psychology. Or history.
When I opened the course catalog, I was like a kid in the candy store. I loved learning, but I lacked a sense of direction, and my mental health was in the gutter.
I wish I'd gone to community college, and taken some pre reqs, to get a better idea of where my strengths were. Most kids would snicker and scoff and the thought of DCC. they were all taking off for big name schools. I'd been raised in a family and community where education and achievement were valued. So letting go of the expectation of a 4 year college was a loss to grieve in and of itself.
But I knew other kids who did. Like my friend Liz. She had a clear sense of direction, of who she was and what she wanted and needed out of life. She knew she wanted to go into library science. So she did some pre reqs at DCC, then got her BA in anthropology and history at SUNY Binghamton, then straight into her masters.
Another guy at college, who was urbane and artistic, also did this. He went into get an MFA in creative writing.
I went into healthcare, to seek a practical skill. But I wish I hadn't chosen nursing. Maybe LPN, or maybe just medical billing and coding. RN was too much.
I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. And I struggled to see a way through.
I feel the weight on this young person, trying to find her way, doing what is supposed to be the right thing, bewildered when the expected satisfaction doesn't come. And the clarity of the narrator looking back.
ReplyDeleteAgree with Marta on the absolute clarity of the narrator. Looking back without judgement or blame, just trying to see what was the truth of the situation and still supportive of the young woman trying to find her way.
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